What women expect from men….

I don’t want to get off on a rant here, and I certainly don’t want to be cliche, but there is a remarkable amount of hypocrisy in what the average modern female person wants from her male counterpart.

They hypocrisy is too easy. We’ll come back to that later. But the largest problem I have is that women expect us to know these so-called “rules”. We’re supposed to figure out when something is creepy, and when it’s romantic. And don’t even get me started on the female orgasm. Talk about pressure! 80% of modern pop culture is rife with jokes and references to men who can’t get their women off. It’s no wonder that so many of us turn gay – much  lower expectations. Frankly, I can’t imagine why any woman in her right mind would become a lesbian – you *know* how hard that gear is to work…it’s like choosing to drive a manual transmission. You claim you prefer it because of performance, or better milage, but in reality, you just want to Prove That You Can Do It.

Hmm. I seem to have gotten a bit off track. We’ll just leave this topic with the following thing: women expect men to not be complete idiots. Women have unreasonable expectations. The end.

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~ by Matt Stratton on January 27, 2005.

9 Responses to “What women expect from men….”

  1. Wow. Were you quoting Dennis Miller or just channelling him? Either way, job well done.

  2. Channeling. The first bit was a quote (“I don’t want to get off on a rant here…”) but everything else was 100% Pure Mugs.

  3. Hahaha! This amuses me. I got into a talk with my Mom and she said, “Oh so do you think he’s upset?”

    I said, “Yeah, I bet he’s staying up all night thinking (I wonder if she really KNOWS who I am inside? What is she thinking? Does my butt look big in these boxers?)”.

    On orgasms, the main trouble is the whole “expecting men to guess how”. And then there’s the whole “not asking for help” and the entire process then becomes a don’t ask don’t tell and everyone loses situation. Or then you get someone who gives you instructions in 5 languages and it becomes as romantic as Ikea furniture assembly, unless you are single, and then it is like blow up furniture which can still explode and cause trouble, and then you are left with 5 extra screws and you have no idea what to do with them and just walk away baffled. It isn’t like it is much easier with men. Not only is everyone dealing with vastly different situations, but everyone has different likings. What may be divine for one person will make someone else run for the hills and tell you that you are “psycho”, too forward, or too boring. You can’t please everyone, but if you are really slutty you can try.

  4. if you think manual transmission is hard, then you aren’t doing it right. 😛

  5. I never said it was hard. I drive stick exclusively.

    But I have no illusions as to WHY I do 😉

  6. It isn’t like it is much easier with men. Not only is everyone dealing with vastly different situations, but everyone has different likings. What may be divine for one person will make someone else run for the hills and tell you that you are “psycho”, too forward, or too boring. You can’t please everyone, but if you are really slutty you can try.

    DANTE: Women? Women, as lovers, are all basically the same: they just have to be there.

    VERONICA: “Be there?”

    DANTE: Making a male climax is not all that challenging: insert somewhere close and preferably moist; thrust; repeat.

    VERONICA: How flattering.

    DANTE: Now, making a woman cum…therein lies a challenge.

    VERONICA: Oh, you think so?

    DANTE: A girl makes a guy cum, it’s standard. A guy makes a girl cum, it’s talent.

  7. And then there’s the whole “not asking for help” and the entire process then becomes a don’t ask don’t tell and everyone loses situation.

    BANKY: I lost my tolerance for the bullshit baggage that comes with eating girls out. What’s the big deal?!

    ALYSSA: If you say the smell, so help me, I’ll slug you.

    BANKY: Not the smell – the smell is good. I’m talking about not being able to do it property. And my mother brought me up to believe that if I can’t do something right I shouldn’t do it at all. Of course, my father told me she gave lousy head, but that’s beside the point.

    ALYSSA: At least you blame yourself for your sexual inadequacies.

    BANKY: No, I blame them. Chicks never help you out. They never tell you what to do. And most of them are self-conscious about that smell factor, and so most of the time they just lay there, frozen like a deer in the headlights, right? Not for nothing, but when a chick goes down on me. I let her know where to go, and what the status is. I’m like the Weather Channel – constant updates.

  8. Better control. I’m sure that’s why. 😉

  9. Just to be clear…I bought a manual so I could wrap my hands around a stick and jam it into gears and call it driving.

    OK, and I’ve lost track of whether we are talking about sex or relationship issues here but the idea that men are “clear in telling you what they want” or “don’t have their own idiosynscratic set of rules” for relationships is hogwash.

    The reality is that people of all genders are terrible at telling others what they want AND even if they do try communicate it they are wrong. They think (and tell you) they want thing X (stereotyped examples: men saying they want women to pursue them, or women saying they want a guy who is romantic and sweet) and then behave as if they want thing Y (men deep down wanting to be the initiator, women dating the bad boy).

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